Welcome to 2012

Wishing all my readers a fantastic 2012. May you be Happy, Healthy, Wise and Wealthy!

I find the whole idea of "new year, new ideas and new start" a tad exaggerated. I am sure I am not the only one!

In the context of spiritual growth and co-existence, each moment that we are alive is an affirmation of the renewal of the force of life and our own co-creative power. It gives us the opportunity to wipe clean all past errors, drop our limited perceptions and start afresh.

When we consider that time is a man-made concept the passage of an old year into a New Year is simply a a passing of a imagined scale of measurement and which really means nothing in the greater scheme if things - universally speaking.

Gosh! Don't I sound like a bah humbug person!lol.

My simple assertion is this: we do not need the start of a new year to redress all that has passed. By the mere fact that it is passed means that it has served it's purpose and therefore we are free to shed all effects of events from this past that does not serve us in this moment. We do not need a certain event marking a passage of time to encourage us to start afresh yet we have become so accustomed to being attached to events, outcomes and situations that we need a reason and a benchmark to get us to declutter our crowded lives.

In an effort to organise our hectic lives thus hoping to feel less burdened by it we set up new year resolutions. Sadly our intentions to be "good" in the new year usually mean we over extend our goals (resolutions) which means we inevitably set ourselves up for failure.

What I am suggesting is that were we to take stock each moment of each day, we are giving ourselves permission to set up bite size action steps; by following these and learning to forgive ourselves if we realise our mini-steps are not working for us, we allow ourselves to have room to manoeuvre, giving us permission to change our minds about the overall goals we want to achieve. That to me is far more flexible and self supportive then setting up Annual Resolutions as a way of affirming where we have possibly failed in the past.

So in the vein of starting a New Year with positivity I encourage you to love yourself each moment of each day, allowing yourself to release all that has passed and find that each moment has new energy to help you on your path to spiritual balance.

who have you upset lately?

I seem to be going through a phase in my life where by simply being me I unwittingly upset every family member.

Is it me being drastically insensitive or is it that others are highly sensitive to me once again voicing my opinion.

I started my adult life being outspoken and completely honest to the point that others baulked at my "truthful ways" and were sometimes shocked at the way it was expressed. Where others see differences and blockages, I see few community/cultural barriers, I see opportunities and love.

Over recent years I have learnt to be more considerate to others' needs and feelings and actually started being overly shy about expressing my opinion and needs, somewhat retreating into myself for fear of hurting others or upsetting the apple cart during difficult times. What this meant was that I ended up being the one that was repressed and overwhelmed with the frustration of watching others behave badly or form opinions that were more blinkered than objective. By repressing my feelings and ideas no one is going to learn to change their ways or release their fears. I am simply prepertrating a deep set pattern of behaviour - no matter what you do DON'T rock the boat!

In the last month I have started being a lot more my old self in giving myself permission to speak up when I see someone judge a situation in a prejudiced way. I have realised that I can no longer protect others from their out dated beliefs or stand by and watch others repeat old family, cultural patterns based on fears and suspicions of the past which keep them restricted and limited and really unhappy.

Now I no longer make excuses for people who choose to caste aspersions on others in a blinkered fashion nor do I find it easy to keep quite where certain behaviours are being perpertrated by adults who know better, I do not stand for prejudice nor do I agree with caste/cultural barriers and preconceptions.

Sadly this means that I am once again excluded from the family that I love. They believe that by being vocal in my opinions I am somehow betraying the family.

This situation is painful and overwhelming if I let it become so, what is compelling me to remain loyal to my views and beliefs is knowing that old behaviours and prejudices only serve to limit me and keep me imprisoned in a way of behaving that takes away my free will and erodes away the faith that I am working hard on rebuilding in my creator.

Do I want to continue outdated family patterns that block my freedom of choice or do I want to be free to co-create a more fulfilled life? Do I want to be a victim of circumstance or do I want to be the designer of my destiny?

At this time I am choosing to walk with open eyes and open heart, still loving those who reject me, knowing that their fears create the barriers they are too frightened to see.

Change is frightening and it can seem like a long walk in the dark but the brave sometimes have to appear as fools to help others leave behind their familial cages.

Families, priorities and learnings

I dearly love my family. In all their various forms and complex relationships they have been a huge source of joy, pain, challenge, support and laughter for me and continue to be so invariably each day.

It is stuningly fantastic when we all happen to be together in our complexities and somehow the clashes of all our individual personalities, needs and behaviours creates this amazing paintball galaxy of comedies, tragedies and heroisms. It is magical to witness and not get drawn in, if you can!

I have just spent an absolutely heart opening and astounding winter/spring/summer recovering in the bosom of my family yet at the same time craving my own sanctity and peace.

I am torn now that I have the opportunity to be moving on into my own space from the unspoken security, love in all its innumerable forms and human interractions though frustrating to be extremely reassuring in its very existence.

I can see how complex family dynamics can create unseen dependencies and I feel like a teenager once again stepping out from the family's umbrella to face the world on my own again!

I am so excited about what I could be about to rediscover and yet the idea of stepping out on my own is overwhelmingly scary!

I know my family are simply a phonecall and a train ride away but gosh it's frightening loosening the strong supportive ever present apron strings that have held me safe for so long.

What I have enjoyed in the recent years has been the solid base that has always been there for me as I needed it, at times it felt like i was far too comfortable at home and would never leave - both to my family and outsiders!

I used to wonder about this, when I compared my life and family interractions with those of my western compatriots, being of Indian origin we were very much what others would say in "each other's pockets". Having lived the "western" way and returned home I can see the advantages and the disadvantages. At present though I see more advantages.

I watched a program recently about teenagers/young adults, from around the UK who were completely dependent on their parents for everything and had never worked a single day.

I believe sometimes the cossetted nature of the Asian lifestyle appears to suggest to English families that young asians are not allowed free will/choice and they are waited on hand and foot and that can be a detrimental image for the outside world. In some respects what I have experienced these past years is close to that but not entirely.

Purely out of fear for my life, my mother took it upon herself to make herself available to me at literally every step in my recovery. This was an absolute blessing yet I can see with hindsight it also made me less self-dependent on basic actions. Yes I would and could go shopping for weekly provisions but since mum likes to keep herself busy in the house and mainly in the kitchen I found myself frequently letting her "get on with it" rather than interfere with her choice of meal making.

Now I am considering shopping lists for house management and all the weekly chores that come with taking care of a home and feeling slightly scared that I may err more on the lazy side. I feel that would be a terrible slight on mum's efforts to train me into managing a house to perfection.

I remember I was not a devotee of cleaning the cooker hood every week, polishing the chrome until it glowed and other "little" chores that ensure my mum's home is presentable to strangers who drop in at a moments notice to carry out a full scale inspection on the cleanliness and atmosphere of her home ensuring it is up to grade. Will my cleaning skills pass their momentary inspections? I have dreams of my mum dressing up as these strangers landing on my doorstep demanding access as is her right to inspect my humble abode and of course my inspection will fail miserably!....

Will i remember to take the toothbrush and scrub out the drains? Will life be one long cleaning journey? Will I wake at night in a cold sweat remembering something I have failed to do? All these fears dawn on me at interminable intervals.. fears of the child wanting so hard to please the parent.

I have also noticed how dependent one becomes through illness or a loss on others. I can see the roots of my old dependency playing out in the childhood relationships I grew up with and the dynamics playing out in other relationships within the family.

Silent support can, if allowed to, easily cross a boundary changing a supportive relationship into a dependent one. Although love and support are neccesary elements of any positive relationship it can so easily become negative when individuals play out their needs in a powerless way. Being powerful can also be challenging to others within a relationship. I have noticed how some partnerships get threatened when the "dependent" partner takes the initiative to make their own decisions, the dominant partner can react in a way that totally de-stabilizes the existing status quo and demands are made of the partner that tried to free themselves from the old restraints that can bring to the forefront underlying issues that the individuals were happy to ignore previously.

Now more than ever, all of these changes are due to the shift in energies in our universe at this time.

All unbalanced relationships where power and dependency played a vital role are being challenged and being destabilised to enable partners to bring the balance in. Where partners resist the relationships will suffer immensely, where the partners are able to realign themselves and work with the changes demanded of them, relationships will succeed.

So I write this post to suggest that should you find yourself being faced with old patterns of behaviour you are being asked to examine what it is that no longer works for you that you may need to let go of because it does not work and learn to work with your partner to rebalance your relationship.

In soem cases where the imbalances in relationships have played out to the max most partners are now being challenged to let go of the partnership all together. This can be immensely challenging if you have been together for a long period.

If you find yourself in any of these dilemmas, I suggest you ask for support and if it is something you have never done, now is the time to learn to ask and allow yourself to receive. The universe is here to support you what it is doing is challenging you to trust that it is and allow yourself to receive and BE WARE the help MAY NOT come in a form you expect nor from the person you expect.

To be or not to be HAPPY....

I know that as more and more of us choose to live lives consciously we are awakening to the little and big ideas we have either created or taken on board from others that have helped bring some form of order into our lives.

Recently I noticed something that may seem like a small thing but in the whole collective consciousness it all adds up and THAT is what creates the ripple effect that we are all living under.

Have you noticed how as the media reports grow increasingly overwhelming leaving us with a feeling that we are powerless to do what we want to do in any area of our lives the more we all fall into the whole "isn't the weather bad" chats whenever we connect with others.

We are subconsciously using the "powerlessness" being projected on us by mass media to only share those things that we are feeling powerless about and also we are playing down areas where we may actually be coming up with good results, so that we in a move to be compassionate to those around us who are not having such a good time in this whole credit crunch time, downplay any good news or feelings we have?

Come ON! lets change our corner street chats and coffee machine gossip from being downbeat to being more positive and upbeat.

I am challenging everyone who is a member of this page to spread and share only good news with your colleagues and friends and family. And if you do have to share some not so great news fancy sharing it with a smile on your face? Your whole state and perspective of life will change as will those you come into contact with.

Just for TODAY YOU have my PERMISSION to be happy with your life, your dreams your achievements or simply WITH WHO YOU ARE.

Maybe we can share a "happiness" status update each day.... what do people think?

Ego my friend

Ego

Ego my old friend, Welcome!
I have lived under your sweet shadow for so long now!
Life is empty - seems empty without you near.
Your many forms and tricks hold me spellbound;
Your many guises make me powerful yet so weak!
You strive so hard dear Ego to hold me safe;
Yet your safety net suffocates me;
My dreams withering under your watchful eye.

Your power is such you can draw blood at the dawn of a mere possibility ... a warning shot across the bows lest I dare step out from under your shade.
Here I sit dazed in time,
wary of the your powerful tools so well honed and sharpened.

Fear leaves me gasping for breath,
Mere thoughts of my own dissent make my skin crawl and my body ache;
Dare I step too far from your clutches seeking solace where you’ve denied me permission;
Calamities untold play repetitively in my invisible theatre of emotions
bedding in inaction as an unwelcome guest.

Guilt – they shyest friend – so ever present;
Walks with me every given step
Weighing heavy on my shoulders;
Setting onto them terrors of souls bygone.
New responsibilities are laid and created each day; burdening me in even the smallest choice.

Hate so sweet in it’s own disguise
Seeks revenge in even the tiniest slice
Presenting itself wherever love seeds a paradise garden
Leaving giant footprints of a yeti unseen
Denying beauty and purity their right to simply be

Resentment the thief of love once shared;
Steals memories of the sweetest flav;
Leaving acrid smells and acid tastes in it’s wake;
Drowning compassion for it’s own sake

LEAVE NOW I command you;
I am battered black and blue
Playing the games that I thought I once knew
With you, Ego, an old friend sent to keep me safe

Where did I gamble away this friendship so great;
To wake one day with an adversary?

 
I deny you right to own my soul;
And cast out your friends from the very gates they guard
Only love need enter and live here now;
Those shadows of the past remain fond memories of innocents unguided;
Wrapped in silken mists of forgiveness

Release me now Ego from the shadows of your dramas;
Much joy await me where you’ve shown me only pain.
Work awaits me where sweet gardens stand in stillness
To be tended with faith and patience
Laughter awaits where once fear held me back;
So much peace resolves the guilt that never was

Where you once thrilled me with your magic
I now invite in miracles without walls
Miracles of faith and worth beyond dreams that give me strength to hop, skip and sing

Ego my friend of old,
How grey and old you look now!
Where once you wore the shining threads of power
I see only grey shreds of shame

Oh my! You still retain the strength of disguise
A warning to self lest I forget the pain of the past.

Ego my friend I have a heart and love runs through me like an ocean for giving
I give you dignity as your new clothes
You have served me well before I cannot deny
I still love you yet your power is denied

Ego my friend now come and cleanse yourself;
Dress in your new clothes of integrity
Let the world see we have been through the worst and survived
A friendship of old, a battle of our times
Now ended in peace and compassion.

Ego be still
Fear not yourself
The light of love that now shines through me
Has the strength of faith that will carry us both
To lands of dreams where miracles are norm...

Be still my love, my ego,
I have loved you long and faithfully,
Give me your faith now as heavenly love
Guides and guards our flight path
We are safe in stillness
Trust .....
Simply trust
.... lets cherish the NOW we have.

Attracting them vibes... a matter of perception

I have been practicing and learning a lot about the law of attraction for a number of years now, some proactively and deliberately and some not so deliberately.

What I want to discuss with you today is the perceptions and understandings we have connected to the Law of Attraction (LOA) i.e. the core belief of the LOA is that what you focus on and feel: what you are transmitting constantly is what comes your way.

I have seen this from various angles and also for me, some of my learnings have been that what I am focusing on sending to others is what I may even receive in return, particularly when I am least expecting it. And then SPLAT! Sometimes it's instant "Karma"... Now I know that what I am sending out may not necessarily be kind, hey I'm human after all! So if someone really winds me up and has somehow, in my perception, screwed with my day going smoothly, being human my automatic reaction would be to get peeved to the point where I am visioning them getting a taste of their own medicine which includes sending them negative vibes.

Of course aiming to learn and be loving all the time I have been berated myself many times when I have caught myself staring daggers at the woman who just jumped the queue and so on. I find myself frequently standing in my guilty corner without forgiving myself.

Now my topic for ponderance today is one that confuses me. in my life, I know some people who have spent their entire lives and every spare moment envying, despising and bad mouthing others simply because for them it is a given daily practice and a moment does not pass when they do not feel justified in belittling anyone and wishing them ill because they view themselves as god's neglected ones and born victims.

Now, when you think that "what you give is what you get back".... why are these people living comfortable lives free of pain with no sufferance that the naked eye can see or the mind perceive?

In fact, I know one particular case, an individual who has spent almost all of his life bitching, hating and resenting others and being mean to others. Frequently moaning about how he's been excluded from enjoying life's gifts and how every person in the world has been against him all his life, how life has dealt him a horrendous blow and yet his life, as far as I can see, has been comfortable and easy and made even easier recently with a lot of benefits coming his way.

In my opinion, this person has been so cruel to others in his life that in the case of energy being sent out I would have expected him to be overwhelmed with pain and dis-ease. Yet non seems to be apparent, this person appears to live his life peacefully free of fraught anxiety at any level.

What gives Universe? What have these individuals done to receive support and love all their lives instead of the jealousy and pain they constantly transmit to others?

The only thing I can think of is that at some level they love themselves beyond their minds and know at every level that they are unsoiled and therefore fully deserving of all life's blessings, which is what they have attracted and appear to be indulging in.

I am rather sad as I sit here unsure of how to bypass the feelings this quizzical conundrum brings to mind. I feel resentful about the pain these people have rained on others and wonder why they can enjoy their lives so comfortably.

But then again I am being overtly judgemental.

On the one hand the LOA says focus + energy = magnetic attraction of whatever you are resonating at... so you think bad... feel bad and send out bad... you get more bad in your personal experience... TRUE or FALSE?

Why then in the cases I have in mind do these individuals continue to experience the best of the best in life? As I write this I know that I am viewing these individuals' life experiences as being joyful, pain less and healthful and this may be a completely skewed perception.

In short - this is simply my PERCEPTION... yet I can't get past the fact that they seem to have to easy.

I then look for explanations elsewhere:

A) Theory number one is that the Universal Law Of Attraction does not work alone and that other universal laws are at play in these situations such as the Law of Balance, etc. which then complicates the dynamics at play in any given situation.

B) Theory number two is one that subscribes to the theory of this planet and universe being part of a "school" for soul evolution. A school where you come in to learn how to live in accordance with the Universal Laws and situations are created at a higher evolutionary level to help you learn and expand your soul's awareness.

C) Theory number three is based on the old eastern cultural beliefs of karmic debts. You are reborn because you have one or several karmic debts to repay a process of re-balancing the the soul account books so to speak. The danger here being is that in the life where you are repaying a karmic debt you could actually end up creating further karmic debts depending on how you behave in relation to basic natural and universal laws of balance i.e. be nice or else! ;-).

D) Theory number four, all of the above and more that i have not yet considered or am aware of.

As a person who is still learning and growing with my personal awareness I believe this is where the learning's will expand showing how and if these are related and what dynamics are at play in our daily lives. So watch this space.

If you have any opinions or ideas you wish to share I am very open to hearing from you.

Following passions and dreams. . .to succeed in life you must sacrifice

For a while now I have been battling my own preconceived ideas about what constitutes "real work" or a "real job" ... interestingly enough only where I am concerned, though!

My CV confirms that I have proudly followed the straight and narrow path of the blue collar worker during my student years followed by 20+ years as a white collar worker. Religiously attending work come rain, snow or shine.

Yet now I've reached a new fork in my path. I have had to confront some home truths about my beliefs.

My ingrained programming is so deep that I have been struggling with truly acknowledging the limits of my own beliefs. What I believe to be "real and acceptable or possible" was actually based on limiting beliefs that were handed down and ground in by the fear of the community I've grown up in and live within.

For some time now, many teachers and guides have been encouraging me to follow my passion and dreams to create a new life of joy, one that involves working with what I love in my daily life. Passion that can become invested in to a career that would be my main income stream. Yet this has been an obstacle for me until now because of the subconscious strength of my beliefs in what could be possible or even really acceptable as work/job/career.

A job gives you position and respectability in life. A career becomes a process in sacrificing your time in exchange for money to support you, yours and you family's needs. Competitive in nature the world we live in feels threatened if you dare think outside the box or try to free up time out of your week for yourself, for your passions and family life.

To succeed you must sacrifice.

Work in itself has been accepted for far too long as a sacrificial alter we need to visit daily to receive the blessings of the money god. And sadly, I had, until recently completely bought into it for myself and saw little chance of creating anything other than the self sacrificial career to deserve an acceptable standard of living let alone an above average lifestyle.

In short my life has been modelled on what is truly possible being based around what society believes is truly possible and acceptable.

I realise now I have been a good little consumer, only allowing myself to believe that life and it's adventures can only be experienced after a lot of hard work and following the path that is set aside for the "good" people or you have to be born into it! haha!

After the realisation, comes the action.

So now I watch daily as my thoughts creep into automatic reactions. By watching each thought and reaction I can arrest my fear-driven behaviour and lean more towards the things I love..... but the first step is to strip down the "need" which is almost a dependency on the work that i have done previously to fulfil my needs and find the "love and passion" I have buried so deep within my psyche.

So far I have discovered that I love writing, talking, intuitive work and dancing and I simply love the sun.... step by step I venture forth into the new rarely trodden paths, I have frequent lapses and I know I have to continue.

What helps is recognising those who've gone before me on the hidden paths. Their "lanterns in the dark" encourage me, giving me strength and encouragement. I now recognise that to me these practices were simply fun and not what real work was all about... my heroes have awoken a new dream within me....

Watch this space for updates.