who have you upset lately?

I seem to be going through a phase in my life where by simply being me I unwittingly upset every family member.

Is it me being drastically insensitive or is it that others are highly sensitive to me once again voicing my opinion.

I started my adult life being outspoken and completely honest to the point that others baulked at my "truthful ways" and were sometimes shocked at the way it was expressed. Where others see differences and blockages, I see few community/cultural barriers, I see opportunities and love.

Over recent years I have learnt to be more considerate to others' needs and feelings and actually started being overly shy about expressing my opinion and needs, somewhat retreating into myself for fear of hurting others or upsetting the apple cart during difficult times. What this meant was that I ended up being the one that was repressed and overwhelmed with the frustration of watching others behave badly or form opinions that were more blinkered than objective. By repressing my feelings and ideas no one is going to learn to change their ways or release their fears. I am simply prepertrating a deep set pattern of behaviour - no matter what you do DON'T rock the boat!

In the last month I have started being a lot more my old self in giving myself permission to speak up when I see someone judge a situation in a prejudiced way. I have realised that I can no longer protect others from their out dated beliefs or stand by and watch others repeat old family, cultural patterns based on fears and suspicions of the past which keep them restricted and limited and really unhappy.

Now I no longer make excuses for people who choose to caste aspersions on others in a blinkered fashion nor do I find it easy to keep quite where certain behaviours are being perpertrated by adults who know better, I do not stand for prejudice nor do I agree with caste/cultural barriers and preconceptions.

Sadly this means that I am once again excluded from the family that I love. They believe that by being vocal in my opinions I am somehow betraying the family.

This situation is painful and overwhelming if I let it become so, what is compelling me to remain loyal to my views and beliefs is knowing that old behaviours and prejudices only serve to limit me and keep me imprisoned in a way of behaving that takes away my free will and erodes away the faith that I am working hard on rebuilding in my creator.

Do I want to continue outdated family patterns that block my freedom of choice or do I want to be free to co-create a more fulfilled life? Do I want to be a victim of circumstance or do I want to be the designer of my destiny?

At this time I am choosing to walk with open eyes and open heart, still loving those who reject me, knowing that their fears create the barriers they are too frightened to see.

Change is frightening and it can seem like a long walk in the dark but the brave sometimes have to appear as fools to help others leave behind their familial cages.

Following passions and dreams. . .to succeed in life you must sacrifice

For a while now I have been battling my own preconceived ideas about what constitutes "real work" or a "real job" ... interestingly enough only where I am concerned, though!

My CV confirms that I have proudly followed the straight and narrow path of the blue collar worker during my student years followed by 20+ years as a white collar worker. Religiously attending work come rain, snow or shine.

Yet now I've reached a new fork in my path. I have had to confront some home truths about my beliefs.

My ingrained programming is so deep that I have been struggling with truly acknowledging the limits of my own beliefs. What I believe to be "real and acceptable or possible" was actually based on limiting beliefs that were handed down and ground in by the fear of the community I've grown up in and live within.

For some time now, many teachers and guides have been encouraging me to follow my passion and dreams to create a new life of joy, one that involves working with what I love in my daily life. Passion that can become invested in to a career that would be my main income stream. Yet this has been an obstacle for me until now because of the subconscious strength of my beliefs in what could be possible or even really acceptable as work/job/career.

A job gives you position and respectability in life. A career becomes a process in sacrificing your time in exchange for money to support you, yours and you family's needs. Competitive in nature the world we live in feels threatened if you dare think outside the box or try to free up time out of your week for yourself, for your passions and family life.

To succeed you must sacrifice.

Work in itself has been accepted for far too long as a sacrificial alter we need to visit daily to receive the blessings of the money god. And sadly, I had, until recently completely bought into it for myself and saw little chance of creating anything other than the self sacrificial career to deserve an acceptable standard of living let alone an above average lifestyle.

In short my life has been modelled on what is truly possible being based around what society believes is truly possible and acceptable.

I realise now I have been a good little consumer, only allowing myself to believe that life and it's adventures can only be experienced after a lot of hard work and following the path that is set aside for the "good" people or you have to be born into it! haha!

After the realisation, comes the action.

So now I watch daily as my thoughts creep into automatic reactions. By watching each thought and reaction I can arrest my fear-driven behaviour and lean more towards the things I love..... but the first step is to strip down the "need" which is almost a dependency on the work that i have done previously to fulfil my needs and find the "love and passion" I have buried so deep within my psyche.

So far I have discovered that I love writing, talking, intuitive work and dancing and I simply love the sun.... step by step I venture forth into the new rarely trodden paths, I have frequent lapses and I know I have to continue.

What helps is recognising those who've gone before me on the hidden paths. Their "lanterns in the dark" encourage me, giving me strength and encouragement. I now recognise that to me these practices were simply fun and not what real work was all about... my heroes have awoken a new dream within me....

Watch this space for updates.