Welcome to 2012

Wishing all my readers a fantastic 2012. May you be Happy, Healthy, Wise and Wealthy!

I find the whole idea of "new year, new ideas and new start" a tad exaggerated. I am sure I am not the only one!

In the context of spiritual growth and co-existence, each moment that we are alive is an affirmation of the renewal of the force of life and our own co-creative power. It gives us the opportunity to wipe clean all past errors, drop our limited perceptions and start afresh.

When we consider that time is a man-made concept the passage of an old year into a New Year is simply a a passing of a imagined scale of measurement and which really means nothing in the greater scheme if things - universally speaking.

Gosh! Don't I sound like a bah humbug person!lol.

My simple assertion is this: we do not need the start of a new year to redress all that has passed. By the mere fact that it is passed means that it has served it's purpose and therefore we are free to shed all effects of events from this past that does not serve us in this moment. We do not need a certain event marking a passage of time to encourage us to start afresh yet we have become so accustomed to being attached to events, outcomes and situations that we need a reason and a benchmark to get us to declutter our crowded lives.

In an effort to organise our hectic lives thus hoping to feel less burdened by it we set up new year resolutions. Sadly our intentions to be "good" in the new year usually mean we over extend our goals (resolutions) which means we inevitably set ourselves up for failure.

What I am suggesting is that were we to take stock each moment of each day, we are giving ourselves permission to set up bite size action steps; by following these and learning to forgive ourselves if we realise our mini-steps are not working for us, we allow ourselves to have room to manoeuvre, giving us permission to change our minds about the overall goals we want to achieve. That to me is far more flexible and self supportive then setting up Annual Resolutions as a way of affirming where we have possibly failed in the past.

So in the vein of starting a New Year with positivity I encourage you to love yourself each moment of each day, allowing yourself to release all that has passed and find that each moment has new energy to help you on your path to spiritual balance.

Families, priorities and learnings

I dearly love my family. In all their various forms and complex relationships they have been a huge source of joy, pain, challenge, support and laughter for me and continue to be so invariably each day.

It is stuningly fantastic when we all happen to be together in our complexities and somehow the clashes of all our individual personalities, needs and behaviours creates this amazing paintball galaxy of comedies, tragedies and heroisms. It is magical to witness and not get drawn in, if you can!

I have just spent an absolutely heart opening and astounding winter/spring/summer recovering in the bosom of my family yet at the same time craving my own sanctity and peace.

I am torn now that I have the opportunity to be moving on into my own space from the unspoken security, love in all its innumerable forms and human interractions though frustrating to be extremely reassuring in its very existence.

I can see how complex family dynamics can create unseen dependencies and I feel like a teenager once again stepping out from the family's umbrella to face the world on my own again!

I am so excited about what I could be about to rediscover and yet the idea of stepping out on my own is overwhelmingly scary!

I know my family are simply a phonecall and a train ride away but gosh it's frightening loosening the strong supportive ever present apron strings that have held me safe for so long.

What I have enjoyed in the recent years has been the solid base that has always been there for me as I needed it, at times it felt like i was far too comfortable at home and would never leave - both to my family and outsiders!

I used to wonder about this, when I compared my life and family interractions with those of my western compatriots, being of Indian origin we were very much what others would say in "each other's pockets". Having lived the "western" way and returned home I can see the advantages and the disadvantages. At present though I see more advantages.

I watched a program recently about teenagers/young adults, from around the UK who were completely dependent on their parents for everything and had never worked a single day.

I believe sometimes the cossetted nature of the Asian lifestyle appears to suggest to English families that young asians are not allowed free will/choice and they are waited on hand and foot and that can be a detrimental image for the outside world. In some respects what I have experienced these past years is close to that but not entirely.

Purely out of fear for my life, my mother took it upon herself to make herself available to me at literally every step in my recovery. This was an absolute blessing yet I can see with hindsight it also made me less self-dependent on basic actions. Yes I would and could go shopping for weekly provisions but since mum likes to keep herself busy in the house and mainly in the kitchen I found myself frequently letting her "get on with it" rather than interfere with her choice of meal making.

Now I am considering shopping lists for house management and all the weekly chores that come with taking care of a home and feeling slightly scared that I may err more on the lazy side. I feel that would be a terrible slight on mum's efforts to train me into managing a house to perfection.

I remember I was not a devotee of cleaning the cooker hood every week, polishing the chrome until it glowed and other "little" chores that ensure my mum's home is presentable to strangers who drop in at a moments notice to carry out a full scale inspection on the cleanliness and atmosphere of her home ensuring it is up to grade. Will my cleaning skills pass their momentary inspections? I have dreams of my mum dressing up as these strangers landing on my doorstep demanding access as is her right to inspect my humble abode and of course my inspection will fail miserably!....

Will i remember to take the toothbrush and scrub out the drains? Will life be one long cleaning journey? Will I wake at night in a cold sweat remembering something I have failed to do? All these fears dawn on me at interminable intervals.. fears of the child wanting so hard to please the parent.

I have also noticed how dependent one becomes through illness or a loss on others. I can see the roots of my old dependency playing out in the childhood relationships I grew up with and the dynamics playing out in other relationships within the family.

Silent support can, if allowed to, easily cross a boundary changing a supportive relationship into a dependent one. Although love and support are neccesary elements of any positive relationship it can so easily become negative when individuals play out their needs in a powerless way. Being powerful can also be challenging to others within a relationship. I have noticed how some partnerships get threatened when the "dependent" partner takes the initiative to make their own decisions, the dominant partner can react in a way that totally de-stabilizes the existing status quo and demands are made of the partner that tried to free themselves from the old restraints that can bring to the forefront underlying issues that the individuals were happy to ignore previously.

Now more than ever, all of these changes are due to the shift in energies in our universe at this time.

All unbalanced relationships where power and dependency played a vital role are being challenged and being destabilised to enable partners to bring the balance in. Where partners resist the relationships will suffer immensely, where the partners are able to realign themselves and work with the changes demanded of them, relationships will succeed.

So I write this post to suggest that should you find yourself being faced with old patterns of behaviour you are being asked to examine what it is that no longer works for you that you may need to let go of because it does not work and learn to work with your partner to rebalance your relationship.

In soem cases where the imbalances in relationships have played out to the max most partners are now being challenged to let go of the partnership all together. This can be immensely challenging if you have been together for a long period.

If you find yourself in any of these dilemmas, I suggest you ask for support and if it is something you have never done, now is the time to learn to ask and allow yourself to receive. The universe is here to support you what it is doing is challenging you to trust that it is and allow yourself to receive and BE WARE the help MAY NOT come in a form you expect nor from the person you expect.

Life the Universe & everything else.... like relationships

Thu 29 Jan 2009
Life, the Universe & Everything else - like relationships!!!
Life, the universe and everything.
For years now I have been providing psychic reading services to an array of intriguing and intelligent clients. As an independent woman (how I see myself) sometimes I found it really tough to balance the client’s perceived desperation for a full time relationship in their lives, a committed partner whose presence was fixed in their daily lives. Some individuals defined their value based on the lack of relationships others by the “success” of their relationships. That sense of dependency for another is something I could not quite make peace with.
I often sat after such a reading request and wondered what it was that made this need for a partner so intense. I am not claiming to have this answer now but I have recently become aware that I also have the urge to meet a potential partner and for what seems like an eternity it was somehow repressed and covered over with many different causes to follow and actions to take for myself. I am wondering if the scientists were right after all and is this an hormonal urge uncontrollable by us mere mortals in natures desire for procreation? Or on the other hand is it simply human behavioural programming that I have tried so hard to repress for so long?
What had also happened for me very subconsciously was that I set up a physical barrier around me as part of this whole business of not acknowledging my own needs. This physical barrier was a layer of unexpressed emotions and other “gunk” which formed an outer shell.
You may choose not to believe this but, within literally days of admitting that I was hiding from a deep inner need to share my life with “a significant other” my body shape shifted! I found myself two clothes sizes smaller and bouncing with new life. What amazing things happen when you open up to knowing yourself! Lol.
So finally having become aware of my need to connect with a potential soul mate/twin flame, I took the bold step to put myself out on the “available and looking list”. Very tentatively I invited men to connect with me. I must say a big THANK YOU to a great cabbie out there in London, without whose sweet compliments I would not have become aware that I needed to pay attention to my own needs and that it was time to really listen to myself, thank you sweet friend you know who you are and I thank the universe for sending you as a messenger to me.
I love the animated movie KUNG FU PANDA, (those who do not know me will be forgiven for thinking I spend all my time watching movies, lol); there is a comment that is repeated several times by a wise old teacher in the movie – “THERE ARE NO ACCIDENTS!” I truly believe there are none in this life and so I know in my heart that I met this person not by chance but by universal design so that I would then take charge in an area of my life which needed me to take action to fulfil my needs.
I have spent too long denying that a one-to-one relationship was important to me and in that time have created endless stories to convince myself I was doing the right thing for me. For example, I have by the “co-incidence” of birth (being born under the sign of Sagittarius) been designed to crave frequent adventures in travel and movement, finding being in one place too long leaves me feeling stagnant in life and also believing that maintaining a strong long term relationship whilst being a free spirit in need of spontaneous travel would be completely undo-able after all it would be unfair on any potential partner would it not if I was constantly throwing caution to the wind and absconding at a moment’s notice to explore new corners of the earth? Well that is what I convinced myself I believed and in the same self deception what I have also done as a result of this constant need to be on the move is deny myself a degree of stability that any soul needs.
Becoming aware of this paradigm that I had created for myself has been a truly freeing experience. I feel lighter, more comfortable with myself, though I am not out of the woods yet.
I am discovering that the patterns and processes I put into place to ensure that I - at least - believed my own story have been a constant challenge to me in this new journey. I am learning how often I sabotage potential relationships by underplaying my worth and my ability. How I put into play a mere shadow of myself that even I would have difficulty trusting and connecting with genuinely at the flick of an eye is the work of a genius alone! It has once again confirmed to be that we create endless personas within our roles in life to help us maintain self deception in every area of our lives so that we can continue to be reckless with our needs, riding rough shod over the basic necessities of life. How we continue to project onto others our deceptive behaviours simply so we can continue to trick ourselves into living a life of half truths is a stunning drama only a genius can write and rewrite at each juncture to suit our needs for self deception.
This experience has also taught me though that, once you become aware and live in that awareness you will be supported to shed the deceptive dramas in your life by just the right person turning up to push your buttons as your move through life on the travellator of our times! My learning has taught me many things about myself and each time I find myself having to face up to another truth about myself my initial instinct is to lie barefaced to myself and then to find ways to squirm out of the discomfort these lies have created in my life and each time I find myself ready to drop back into the illusion of the old lies some excellent being of divine wisdom pops up right in front of me and says with that Harry Enfield-esk voice “you don’t wanna do thaaaat?”. GOD that get irritating after a while! Lol
(More to follow! –as this new dimension grows)