Life the Universe & everything else.... like relationships

Thu 29 Jan 2009
Life, the Universe & Everything else - like relationships!!!
Life, the universe and everything.
For years now I have been providing psychic reading services to an array of intriguing and intelligent clients. As an independent woman (how I see myself) sometimes I found it really tough to balance the client’s perceived desperation for a full time relationship in their lives, a committed partner whose presence was fixed in their daily lives. Some individuals defined their value based on the lack of relationships others by the “success” of their relationships. That sense of dependency for another is something I could not quite make peace with.
I often sat after such a reading request and wondered what it was that made this need for a partner so intense. I am not claiming to have this answer now but I have recently become aware that I also have the urge to meet a potential partner and for what seems like an eternity it was somehow repressed and covered over with many different causes to follow and actions to take for myself. I am wondering if the scientists were right after all and is this an hormonal urge uncontrollable by us mere mortals in natures desire for procreation? Or on the other hand is it simply human behavioural programming that I have tried so hard to repress for so long?
What had also happened for me very subconsciously was that I set up a physical barrier around me as part of this whole business of not acknowledging my own needs. This physical barrier was a layer of unexpressed emotions and other “gunk” which formed an outer shell.
You may choose not to believe this but, within literally days of admitting that I was hiding from a deep inner need to share my life with “a significant other” my body shape shifted! I found myself two clothes sizes smaller and bouncing with new life. What amazing things happen when you open up to knowing yourself! Lol.
So finally having become aware of my need to connect with a potential soul mate/twin flame, I took the bold step to put myself out on the “available and looking list”. Very tentatively I invited men to connect with me. I must say a big THANK YOU to a great cabbie out there in London, without whose sweet compliments I would not have become aware that I needed to pay attention to my own needs and that it was time to really listen to myself, thank you sweet friend you know who you are and I thank the universe for sending you as a messenger to me.
I love the animated movie KUNG FU PANDA, (those who do not know me will be forgiven for thinking I spend all my time watching movies, lol); there is a comment that is repeated several times by a wise old teacher in the movie – “THERE ARE NO ACCIDENTS!” I truly believe there are none in this life and so I know in my heart that I met this person not by chance but by universal design so that I would then take charge in an area of my life which needed me to take action to fulfil my needs.
I have spent too long denying that a one-to-one relationship was important to me and in that time have created endless stories to convince myself I was doing the right thing for me. For example, I have by the “co-incidence” of birth (being born under the sign of Sagittarius) been designed to crave frequent adventures in travel and movement, finding being in one place too long leaves me feeling stagnant in life and also believing that maintaining a strong long term relationship whilst being a free spirit in need of spontaneous travel would be completely undo-able after all it would be unfair on any potential partner would it not if I was constantly throwing caution to the wind and absconding at a moment’s notice to explore new corners of the earth? Well that is what I convinced myself I believed and in the same self deception what I have also done as a result of this constant need to be on the move is deny myself a degree of stability that any soul needs.
Becoming aware of this paradigm that I had created for myself has been a truly freeing experience. I feel lighter, more comfortable with myself, though I am not out of the woods yet.
I am discovering that the patterns and processes I put into place to ensure that I - at least - believed my own story have been a constant challenge to me in this new journey. I am learning how often I sabotage potential relationships by underplaying my worth and my ability. How I put into play a mere shadow of myself that even I would have difficulty trusting and connecting with genuinely at the flick of an eye is the work of a genius alone! It has once again confirmed to be that we create endless personas within our roles in life to help us maintain self deception in every area of our lives so that we can continue to be reckless with our needs, riding rough shod over the basic necessities of life. How we continue to project onto others our deceptive behaviours simply so we can continue to trick ourselves into living a life of half truths is a stunning drama only a genius can write and rewrite at each juncture to suit our needs for self deception.
This experience has also taught me though that, once you become aware and live in that awareness you will be supported to shed the deceptive dramas in your life by just the right person turning up to push your buttons as your move through life on the travellator of our times! My learning has taught me many things about myself and each time I find myself having to face up to another truth about myself my initial instinct is to lie barefaced to myself and then to find ways to squirm out of the discomfort these lies have created in my life and each time I find myself ready to drop back into the illusion of the old lies some excellent being of divine wisdom pops up right in front of me and says with that Harry Enfield-esk voice “you don’t wanna do thaaaat?”. GOD that get irritating after a while! Lol
(More to follow! –as this new dimension grows)